ARCHIBALD (Spoken) 
N.C. 
And now it's time for silly songs with Larry 
The part of the show 
Where Larry comes out and sings a silly son. 

Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mister Lunt 
Who together, make up the infamous gang of scallywags: 
'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'. 


PA GRAPE, MISTER LUNT, LARRY 
           C                    F 
We are the pirates who don't do anything 
        C                    G 
We just stay at home and lay around 
           C            F 
And if you ask us to do anything 
C          G 
We'll just tell you... 


LARRY 
            C 
We don't do anything 


PA GRAPE 
           C 
Well, I've never been to Greenland 
         F 
And I've never been to Denver 
         C                        G 
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul 
         C 
And I've never been to Moscow 
         F 
And I've never been to Tampa 
         G             G             C 
And I've never been to Boston in the fall 


PA GRAPE, MISTER LUNT, LARRY 
C                              F 
We're the pirates who don't do anything 
        C                    G 
We just stay at home and lay around 
           C            F 
And if you ask us to do anything 
 C         G 
We'll just tell you... 


MISTER LUNT (Spoken) 
            C 
We don't do anything! 


MISTER LUNT 
         C 
And I've never hoist the mainstay 
         F 
And I've never swabbed the poop deck 
         C 
And I've never veer to starboard 
         G 
'Cause I never sail at all 
         C 
And I've never walked the gangplank 
         F 
And I've never owned a parrot 
         C             G             C 
And I've never been to Boston in the fall 


PA GRAPE, MISTER LUNT, LARRY 
                 C                    F 
'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything 
        C                    G 
We just stay at home and lay around 
       C                F 
And if you ask us to do anything 
 C         G                    C 
We'll just tell you we don't do anything 


LARRY 
 C 
Well, I've never plucked a rooster 
        F 
And I'm not too good at ping pong 
         C 
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes 
G 
Up against the wall 
         C 
And I've never kissed a chipmunk 
         F 
And I've never gotten head lice 
         C             G             C 
And I've never been to Boston in the fall 


PA GRAPE (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Huh? What are you talking about? 
What does a rooster or mashed potatoes 
Have to do with being a pirate? 


MISTER LUNT (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Hey, that's right 
We're supposed to sing about pirate-y things! 


PA GRAPE (Spoken) 
N.C. 
And who's ever kissed a chipmunk? 
That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? 
Am I right? What do you think? 


MISTER LUNT (Spoken): 
N.C. 
I think you look like Cap'n Crunch. 


PA GRAPE (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Huh? No I don't! 


MISTER LUNT (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Do too! 


PA GRAPE (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Do not! 


MISTER LUNT (Spoken) 
N.C. 
You're making me hungry. 


PA GRAPE (Spoken) 
N.C. 
That's it, you're walking the plank! 


MISTER LUNT (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Says who? 


PA GRAPE (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Says the Cap'n, that's who! 


MISTER LUNT (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Oh yeah? 
Aye, aye, Cap'n Crunch! 


PA GRAPE (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Arrrgh! 


MISTER LUN (Spoken) 
N.C. 
Yikes! 


LARRY 
         C 
And I've never licked a spark plug 
         F 
And I've never sniffed a stinkbug 
         C 
And I've never painted daises 
     G 
On a big red rubber ball 
    C 
And I've never bathed in yogurt 
      F 
And I don't look good in leggings 


PA GRAPE (Spoken) 
N.C. 
You just don't get it. 


PA GRAPE, MISTER LUNT, LARRY 
          C             G             C 
And we've never been to Boston in the fall!